A Toast

Intro

Words we need to hear.. somtimes

When you're so scared of breaking you tell yourself "don't fall for it, not again, not this time, I know you always promise to never go down that road again then stumble back on it somehow only to talk on your face again, so this time no promises, none but this, that today you may not be happy, you maybe sad, but you're safe today you're offlimits to them, today you don't break" only know this, if nothing else know this... I've got you...

I know you feel that I sometimes don't understand and you know what? Sometimes you're right, but sometimes I do, and those sometimes are outgrowing those other ones. And though you know I'm here for you I think you don't understand sometimes genius, I'm here, like it or not, doesn't mean you have to talk when you don't want to, doesn't mean you can't have space, but I'll be all up in your space if you're doing more harm than good.

We all have bad days, sometimes bad weeks, bad years sometimes bad lives, but that don't get us down, I'll pick you up, you dust me off.

A toast

And here, here here, here to the simple complexities that compel the most irritable of itches, just a little out of reach but too close for comfort.

Speak and speak again of all the misdirected attention I have invested into the crevances of this infinte white canvas we call life.

Delude me with the promises of recovery, poisin me with all the free untainable little snipers of normality, define this, the most  rare of understandable common serendipities, a little off the centre, you little balance, obsession with the unobsessable, doing a 100 stuck in third gear, on the wrong side of the road, the bottom side of every coin, the uncontrollable urge to control that which I will always fail to control, the struggle to remain afloat when you're flying, tormented only with the lack of perception, the inverted twisted view of self and none-self.

Again, lead me on, again and again lead me on, lie to me over and over again, lie to me and receive my complete belief only so that you may drop it, then lie to me again so that I may pick it up, dust it off and give it to with the kind of broken smile that cuts my upper lip everytime I show it.

Show me my salvation, show me your rope, dangle down your hope, let me grab it, don't worry I'll pull myself up I'm used to it. And it's ok if you let go now, it's ok, I know shattered glass has it's own special kind of twinkling beauty. I don't mind. I won't judge you, I'll thank you. I've never seen the top side of your flying ship and I'm terrified of hieghts, the dangle scares me, here and here and there I'll remain, don't worry I know it's better to be broken than breaking, that's a more attainable goal. And with all the grace within my tongue, with all the honey-diped half truths I dispense to all who care to know, with all my depth, I can aim up all the spoken truthful lying metaphors and similies...

"I'm never gonna be okay"

It's the simple melodies that scream the loudest, it's the short words that cut the deepest, it's the happy songs that are the saddest. It's the dim, dying light that's the most blinding.

Walk past me, look through me, enjoy my company then disregard my presence, the distance I seem to maintain is the only that keeps me safe, now walk in it, take away my security, it's easy.

And here, here here, here's to the fear of disappointment, here's to the near-life experiences that keep us tiptoeing back to a cool, dry place... hello old friend, goodbye new friends, let us crawl back to silent place from which we first came.

Forgive me for not pressing on it'll just be a minute, I need to rest my eyes, I need to settle this weary body for the rest of this unforseeable road, it'll be but a moment. Lay with me, let's break for an instance, wrap me with your cold, hard embrace, we'll live on in a minute, the flame may flicker but it hasn't burnt out and it never will. This ain't an easy road believe me, and this ain't a happy journey, not yet anyway, but it's our road old friend.. and we ain't come this far... so wake me before all my wounds heal, I wish to mark the path, and you'll never know just how beautiful your scars are to me, old friend.